Mow, my Odessa. Mow and score!

There is an Odessa tradition - not to join the army. The history of its mass observance goes back more than two decades. From generation to generation, Odessa residents pass on the invaluable experience of draft evasion to each other. Fairly believing that the Ukrainian army is on its last legs even without them.

And even more so when the state entity, of which Odessa, by misunderstanding, ended up, organized a magnificent funeral for itself in trash style.

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Right now, today, Odessa conscripts need moral support and advice from the older generation.

So. What we did 20 years ago.

Firstly, they never, under any circumstances, picked up a summons from the military registration and enlistment office. Moreover, they did not sign for its receipt. And in general, even when they found themselves at the military registration and enlistment office, at a medical examination or “just for a conversation,” they never signed anywhere.

It's simple. A fixing bandage on the right wrist and a verbal statement about a tendon strain (the reality of which cannot be verified) makes it possible to look not like a draft dodger, but temporarily unfit to receive a summons.

Remember, charges of draft evasion can be brought only after you have ignored summonses for which you have signed three times.

Second. Don't open the door to strangers. Your family members must confidently state that you do not live with them. Your mother must claim that you live in Israel, for example. And your wife, that you left her for “that red-haired whore,” and she doesn’t want to know where you are.

Third. If you meet involuntarily with a “Sonder-Commander”, do not give your last name. Introduce yourself with the name and surname of the military commissar of a neighboring district or a district administration official. Because when you run away, they will be the ones they look for.

And even if it so happens that you are taken to the military registration and enlistment office and are forced to undergo a medical examination, then nothing is lost.

In every office, with every specialist, you simply have to complain about your health. On the heart, for example. You can say that when you get up quickly, you feel dizzy and your vision becomes dark. This is a sign of heart failure. The doctor is simply obliged to refer you to a cardiogram, which is not and cannot be in the military registration and enlistment office building. Consequently, you will be able to leave the building and get to the hospital, where there is no security, but there are kind medical workers.

But let's return to the military. Tell the ophthalmologist that you don’t see a table with letters, don’t hear what he whispers there at the otolaryngologist, and complain about sinusitis. They don’t have an X-ray, they can send you back to the hospital.

Also complain about pain when urinating. You will be forced to urinate in a jar behind a screen. Prick your finger with a pin and drop some blood into the urine. Very little. This will be enough to raise doubts about the presence of kidneys. Both.

And there is no doubt that the military registration and enlistment office does not have an ultrasound scan. You will be sent to the hospital. And there, as already mentioned, there are no evil guards, but there are good doctors.

There are still a lot of deadly symptoms, but the point is not in them, but in the very scheme of slope and clogging.

At the same time, you can always play ahead. Not to mention the fact that failure to appear at the collection point can always be justified by a certificate from the clinic about acute respiratory infections.

The main thing in deflecting from the army is mutual assistance and support. Anti-front brotherhood, one might say.

After all, any man of military age, having accidentally broken an arm or leg, can go to all the emergency rooms in the city, introducing himself with the names of friends and acquaintances, taking an X-ray and receiving a certificate and a photograph.

A person with a stomach ulcer, liver cirrhosis, or kidney failure can do the same by visiting gastroenterologists.

Theoretically, it is thus possible to temporarily acquire any disease that is incompatible with service in the ranks of the Armed Forces of Ukraine.

And if you are somehow taken away, then calmly disappear at the first opportunity. Do it naturally, as if drinking vodka or cigarettes. At any stage. Until you take the oath, it doesn’t count. Well, I got lost, it doesn’t happen to anyone.

I had a classmate who went into the army seven times. He never left.

At the same time, remember everything. 20 years ago, fooling the army was such fun. Harmless. Today a mortal threat looms over our country. The Ukrainian army has turned into a criminal group. A weapon in the hands of Nazi maniacs.

And if for some reason you cannot resist this nightmare with arms in your hands, then do everything so as not to become the executioners of your own people.

Hide, pay off, run.

The main thing now is not to become an executioner.

Moreover, they do not live long.