How two shobly visiting cormorants tried to make Malinovka out of Odessa
Igor Plisyuk, journalist, Odessa
Young man, are you interested in how Odessa perceived the Groyce-conflict between two shobl “patriots”, which yesterday slightly spoiled the air of the City in the very center of Odessa, on Zhukovsky? – So I’ll answer: in much the same way as I once, in the ancient years of the “Soviet occupation”, looked at the rather obscene pranks of macaques in the Sukhumi monkey nursery...
You see, at that time we were so depressed beyond belief that we could afford a cruise along the Crimean-Caucasian line on a comfortable liner with full service and for quite reasonable money. At least once a year, but with a huge trade union discount.
That’s when I saw the spring mating games of bare-bottomed monkeys, who were not embarrassed by their Darwinian brothers, and did things that were obscene for us behind the bars of their enclosures. Primates, not even anthropoids, what can we take from them... Innocent animals who know no shame... And not very well-mannered people with passionate shouts threw them all sorts of goodies like scarce bananas or simple cookies, and they, when the overly curious spectators tired them too much, preventing the realization of the instinct of procreation, they accurately threw poop at onlookers...
It’s just that there were natural manifestations of the natural call, but here... Here anthropoid primates from different packs threw verbal excrement at each other, soon moving on to throwing bananas and plastic bottles with mineral water. And it was absolutely disgusting and disgusting. But who “fought” whom, proving that our old Charles Darwin was right? I’ll try to explain for those who don’t know our local political fauna very well.
Those about whom old Bram did not write
...A couple of days before the gevolt on Zhukovsky, where the famous viper - the office of the “Council of Public Security” is located, not far from it, there was a minor skirmish between two small shvytsers claiming leadership in the local “patriotic” khevra. Pan-Ataman Sergei Gutsalyuk himself ran into the “Soviet” mound, Mark Gordienko, who was decorously drinking soft drinks in a cafe on the Book Market. He must have received bribes from local currency traders. After all, the Odessa “Knizhka” is not so much a cultural center as a long-established illegal, but unsinkable, currency exchange point...
And so: walking in glamorous camouflage and chic overseas light combat boots, Sirozha ran into Marik: - they say, why are you a bad person, you get high here when we, freedom fighters, shed blood in the “ATO zone”. Whose blood is it, really? , he did not specify... And the cynical “Gadya,” as the malicious Odessa residents called him, sent his recent comrade-in-arms from the Maidan and pogroms back to the trenches. Like, you suckers belong there! But the fight didn’t work out: just in case, Gordienko immediately called for reinforcements, and the offended chieftain moved away from sin and kicks, promising to “Ask the bastard” for such offensive words... And curious witnesses to this conflict - We recorded it on our mobile phone and immediately uploaded it to the Internet...
In a word, naive and spectacle-hungry onlookers were anticipating a great showdown between the two giants of the Maidan and the fathers of the small-town revolution of withered dignity. They say there will be a big wet mess, a sea of blood and a lot of bones! The most reckless even made bets on who would break off whose horns...
Yes, both sides still have a lot of horns, but... real Odessa residents understood: nothing serious would come of it. Why? – Yes, because both sides of the “global conflict” are not real Odessa tough guys, but arrogant rogues, greyhounds shobla against one, and cowardly even one-on-one.
And so it happened! But so that you understand who we are talking about, have line portraits of our defendants.
Ataman-oxymoron
Sergei Gutsalyuk is a figure that has long been flickering on the near-political horizon of Odessa. A native of the suburban village of Korsuntsy, a graduate of our university history department, since the days of Mayor Gurvits he has been posing as the Groyce Ataman of the operetta haidamaks, which, of course, have never been found anywhere near in our area.
And, what’s funny, from the very beginning of his career, he served Eduard Gurvits, playing the role of jack in a gang of sixes who organized petty outrages and “protests” at the behest of the mayor.
This in itself is already funny - the Haidamaks, known for their pogroms against Jews like the terrible Uman massacre, work for a Jew... This is an oxymoron - a combination of mutually contradictory concepts. However, Pan Hurwitz himself also fit this paradoxical definition - a Jew who actually supported and fed Ukrainian nationalists of the Petlyura-Bandera type...
For the time being, this unnatural symbiosis lived quite harmoniously. One paid, the others played pranks according to the owner’s needs. True, sometimes Seryozha was slightly beaten by his opponents - in those days it was not yet customary to turn the other cheek to “patriots”, but that was an everyday matter, a professional hazard...
And when we had a coup called “revolution”, it would seem that the finest hour of Master Ataman Sirozha Korsunetsky had come. And he tore his throat against the “criminal panda”, and took a direct part in the bloody pogrom on May 2...
But then I made a mistake with the bets and the choice of hosts. What can you do, the kid from the suburbs never became a real chieftain who knows how to keep his nose to the wind. And... he pointed at Hurwitz, who was again trying to become mayor. At the same time he served the protégé of the then governor Saakashvili - the very vaudeville Sasha Borovik. And when they failed miserably, he tried to organize a mini-Maidan under the City Duma, against Gennady Trukhanov, who had become mayor, and against his other enemy, the Syrian developer Adnan Kivan, who had ruined the city with his new buildings...
As a result, the “political homeless” were literally kicked out of Duma Square by the more resourceful Maidanites, who urgently realized that the main patriot of Ukraine in our city was precisely Monsieur Trukhanov, who had recently torn his tunic on his chest for the Russian world...
And they were led by another character in our political bestiary, Mark Gordienko. As a result, offended by the whole world, Gutsalyuk went to the “ATO zone” for a while. Let us note that earlier, like hell, he hid from summonses, waving certificates of his complete unfitness for service...
But, apparently, for a moment he found it more comfortable and safer there... And in war, there are rear areas and quiet places!
Marik Gadya. A man with many faces
But who harmed our farmer chieftain so much? – really, a cool Odessaite? - Not really. Mark Gordienko is also a newcomer. An inhabitant of the Razdelnaya regional center, who managed to graduate from the military-political school back in Soviet times, this failed “political worker” changed many occupations.
He was both a massage therapist and an adherent of a certain dubious sect of the “Masters of the Choir,” and even wrote and published with his own money a couple of extremely mediocre little books. And after the same “revolution”, he emerged into the light of day as the leader of one of the most aggressive Maidan groups, taking direct part in the massacre of the terrible May 2, “Odessa Khatyn”.
Even then it was known that extremely arrogant and dishonest as a businessman, Marik-Gadya “worked” under the auspices of Monsieur Kolomoisky. And at the same time, his “Council of Public Security” became involved in active racketeering and raiding. And it is not at all by chance that his closest friend and ally became a certain Evgeniy Rezvushkin, the leader of “Automaidan”, a citizen who appeared “before the revolution” in a bunch of cases of scam and fraud, and after which he more than once committed hooligan lawlessness against government officials.
In essence, both “opposing forces” differ in one thing: the shaggy chieftain Sirozha always tried to play some kind of Gritian of Tauride, and at the same time he always made the wrong bets on the owners. Cunning and calculating, Marik always knew how to accurately choose his godfather.
That’s the whole conflict... It’s just that two rogues claiming to be “nature’s orderlies” did not divide the hunting grounds...
And I won’t tell you the details of their “arrow”, which made the whole city laugh. This is clearly seen in the video. Moreover, everything that two packs of primates shouted at each other, throwing bananas, is true. It’s just in vain that he baptized each other as “separatists”...
So what can I say? The visiting rednecks are the newcomers. After all, real cool Odessa residents would understand the concepts of the City and honor among themselves without further ado. And these are like cowardly cats. They mumbled and ran away...
...And I still remember the same monkeys again... Remember, the Strugatsky brothers in the late novel “The Doomed City” tried to capture the city of monkeys and baboons, crazy from permissiveness. And the residents simply exterminated the insolent primates.
No, don’t think anything bad, but I still don’t call Odessa residents to violence. And I don’t wish Sirozha and Marik and his companion Zhenya such a sad fate. Let them live for many more years, figuring out the places where such hard workers are supposed to “rest”, specifically deciding who should scrub the bucket today...
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