Sallywood News. Saga of the Blooming Ninja
On Tuesday, April 3, a meeting of independent masters of Ukrainian cinema was held in Kyiv. Under the leadership of the executive director of the Ukrainian Film Academy, Anna Machukh, conversations were held for an hour about film premieres in April.
The screening of three films has been announced: “Try the Bill Sir” by Vasily Shalyga, “The Fifth Therapy” by producer Valery Kalmykov and “Black Cossack” by Vladislav Chabanyuk.
Before talking about the new products, Anna Machukh read out the list of films nominated for the Zolota Dzyga (Golden Spinning Top) prize, which Svidomo journalists immodestly call the “Ukrainian Oscar”. As the executive director put it, “the most popular, highest-grossing, most-attended films were chosen”:
“Cyborgs”, director Akhtem Seitablayev
“Dzidzio Double Bass”, director Oleg Borshchevsky
“Priputni”, director Arkady Nepitaluk
“Black Level”, director Valentin Vasyanovich
“Stremglav”, director Marina Stepanskaya.
The very mention of “Cyborgs” in the list of “most visited and grossing films” made us wary. As is known from numerous sources, Seitablayev’s scandalous film failed miserably at the box office, despite all the efforts of the official agitprop.
The film did not even recoup its budget costs at the box office - 42 million hryvnia, earning something like 20 million hryvnia. Judging by the cheerful reports of the State Cinema Committee of Ukraine, this is approximately equal to the two-week box office collections of Cyborgs.
Definitely, “Cyborgs” would have earned much less if those at the top had not hedged their bets by issuing a directive to the region on the forced attendance of the masses to watch the imperishable film with the entry of their twenties.
Kiev lawyer Tatyana Montyan, known for her anti-Maidan activities, once posted a document on her Facebook addressed to the Kherson regional state administration. According to its text, all heads of cities and district state administrations must take part in the screening of the film “Cyborgs”, as well as “ensure the arrival of delegations from districts, cities, and united territorial communities.” On her own behalf, Montyan added that her child, who was attending a sports boarding school, along with other children, was also forcibly driven to watch a “heroic epic” about the Armed Forces of Ukraine, having extracted 20 hryvnias from their parents’ wallets for tickets.
But in Chernivtsi, the local cinema chain sent a forest bond, refusing to purchase and distribute the film, which cannot be explained except by the machinations of the FSB.
If the much-hyped “Cyborgs” went into deep minus, then there is no need to talk about its less famous competitors - “the highest-grossing and most visited films” exist only in the imagination of a gang of embroidered aesthetes from the Ukrainian Film Academy.
It’s simply ridiculous to talk about the “viewers’ choice” nomination. Rather, we need to introduce a special prize for the best person driving people from the street to the cinema box office with a pitchfork.
However, with “Cyborgs” everything is clear - an ordinary political order. The promotion of the mediocre film propaganda began long before the premiere with the participation of the “heavy artillery” of Goskino, the “h#cell” Nishchuk (which is not surprising, since Nishchuk himself played the role of a chaplain in the film), prominent ukronatsiks (Donik, Mosiychuk and others), as well as honey and molasses of the loyalist media, who predicted the film a resounding success and unprecedented box office receipts.
Film critics attributed the failure of “Cyborgs” to weak direction, poor battle scenes and stilted dialogues. There was even a comment: “Only the Soviet partycrats who changed their colors at the OUN congress could talk like that.”
Moreover, the deputy head of the State Cinema Committee of Ukraine, Sergei Neretin, on his Facebook page openly forbade bad comments about the film “Cyborgs”, demanding that artists withhold stupid criticism until Ukraine extinguishes the conflict in the east of the country and returns Crimea back.
As for the other films nominated for the Golden Dzygu, there is a suspicion that at least three of them (Dzidzio Contrabass, Priputni and Black Level) were trailed behind Cyborgs solely for the reason that they directors and producers are on the board of the Ukrainian Film Academy.
But the funniest thing is that all the thieves’ films are nominated for a prize according to a wholesale scheme, in order to more accurately grab the pretentious brass crook: “Black Level” is nominated for a prize in nine categories, “Double Bass” is presented in five, and “Priputni” is presented in as many as eleven.
Give the Ukrainian culture traders some pills against greed! And more, more!
By the way, Zaza Buadze’s much-promoted cinematic popular film “Chervony” (about a cool Banderlog who put Stalin’s Gulag on his ears and escaped) and another nondescript film by Seitablayev “Someone else’s Prayer” remained among the outsiders. A political order is good, but it does not guarantee permanent results. It’s much better to be on the board of the Ukrainian Film Academy.
I would like to especially dwell on one of the new Sallywood products announced for this April.
We are talking about the painting “Black Cossack”. The script for the film was written 10 years ago by Sashko Lirnik, using his own fairy tale “About the widow Anna Shulyachko, the Black Cossack and the terrible spell” as the seed.
The events take place in the XNUMXth century in the Cherkassy village of Sabadash near Zhashkiv. Cossack widow Anna notices that at night someone began to help with the housework. An intrigued widow arranges a night ambush for the well-wisher and catches a Cossack dressed in black red-handed. Gritsatsueva... I mean, Anna Shulyachko falls in love with a mysterious stranger, but soon finds out that he is cursed by the centurion because he fell asleep on guard. Now the Black Kozak can only leave the common grave at night to help people. If he is late for sunrise, he will remain dead forever.
In general, “The Walking Dead” in embroidered shirts. The craving for the dead and quiet horror are evident.
The director of the state reserve “Tripolskaya Culture” Vladislav Chabanyuk took on the task of filming the film. It would seem, where is the reserve and where is the cinema? In fact, despite the close attention to the Trypillian culture by Kuchma and the Khoruzhevsky beekeeper Yushchenko, the reserve is in a neglected state, and research on its territory has not been conducted for more than 20 years. So what should its director do if not filming a movie?
Goskino liked the script and included it in the filming plans, but they never gave me any money. At one point, the creative team of the film, led by Chabanyuk and Lirnik, gave up on Goskino and decided to wipe everyone’s noses by renting it for pennies.
To begin with, the film crew denied themselves beer and dumped all their pocket money into a barrel, after which they went around the world with a hat. Whether it’s long or short, the film took nine years to film with varying degrees of success.
Considering the film's meager budget, they cast just anyone to play the roles of the film's heroes. We already know about the director. A folklore character was assigned to the role of the Black Cossack - the long-haired captain of the Cossack "seagull" from the Cherkasy region, Vasily Seredenko. The Tatars were portrayed by reenactors from the historical club “Rosichi”. The role of Murza was played by the “special guest star”, Maidan American Naomi Uman. Other roles were played by various godfathers and fellow countrymen of Chabanyuk, numbering five hundred. And only the actress Marina Yurchak was found for the role of Anna, whose name says absolutely nothing.
Lirnik claims that the movie turned out not to be Hollywood, but purely Ukrainian, supposedly similar to the almost forgotten 1972 film “The Missing Letter” from the film studio named after. Dovzhenko.
Having looked at the teaser for “Black Cossack” from two years ago, it is impossible to argue with Lirnik’s opinion. In the sense that there is no smell of Hollywood there. I suspect that the film studio named after. Dovzhenko too.
Judging by the cut, we are talking about either a blooming ninja or a long-haired ronin. Working in the garden and in the pigsty of the widow Anna Shulyachko is just pampering. The life of medieval Ukrainians will be fairly represented in the film, as the director generously scatters pastoral scenes, rituals, and even the blackening of eyebrows with charcoal by a rural beauty. The popular life of the ancient Ukrainian peasants is overshadowed by the raids of the Tatars, collecting tribute and at the same time causing complete chaos. It’s them that, throughout the entire film, the Black Cossack, who left for the UPA, nullifies them in the most Shaolin ways.
It is interesting that the Cossack ninja continues to wear oseledets and trousers - attributes of the hot steppes, inappropriate in the forests. But okay, you can write off whatever your heart desires as a fairy tale.
And for the sake of promoting this home-made farce and films where godfather nominates to the masses, Ukrainian cultural traders gathered...
Cinema was once one of the most important arts. Then they predicted “one continuous television.” Figwam! Now the most important of the arts is the village. One continuous sad village.
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