Odessa was enough for six months: “Misha, you got everyone. Even in the 90s this didn’t happen.”
So, what do you, Internet man in the street, think about Odessa residents? Why do they care about mussels, they wear vests, they laugh at everything? There are bears in Moscow, and clowns in Odessa? Okay, then I’ll look at what’s happening here through your eyes.
Not through a journalist’s lens, but through the prism of said average person – a monitor conveniently moved to the sofa. It’s as if local politics weren’t mixed up with blood from the start. As if it didn’t begin in the 90s with the marches of the Rukh, the murder of the editor-in-chief of “Evening Odessa” (once a cult newspaper, known far beyond the city, which is rare), followed by a chain of corpses, forgery and ritual dances to the harmonica of Ukrainian Nazis.
As if the residents of Odessa who disagree with the Central Control Center from Kiev (even for statuses and pictures on social networks) are not now sitting in a pre-trial detention center, as if they did not burn out our entire Odessa insides on May 2, 2014, do not call the House of Trade Unions a kebab shop, do not shoot at black balloons (to the souls of martyrs burned alive) from pneumatic guns to the cry of children who became orphans.
Oh, you didn't know? Well, you have to! Yes, because anyone who dares to record reality will immediately have their equipment confiscated and gutted. Oh, you didn’t know again... “You haven’t even entered the hall yet, and you’ve already prepared your laughs. Absolutely everything is funny to you!.. Ha-ha-ha.”
Well, let's go haha. So, “ha-ha” began already when the position itself, instead of the chairman of the regional administration, began to be called the governor’s. But if in the first post-Soviet years it was simply stagnation (as in the USSR under Brezhnev), that is, in truth, flourishing, then after the “Orange” revolution, muddle after muddle became governors. What kind of news is there from the fields and milk yields - the direct responsibility of the governors.
Mostly, to please Kyiv, they knocked down symbols of the “totalitarian era” from cowsheds and dug up along the guarantor’s route not toilets, as they should, but famine idols, and, most harmlessly, they stole to the best of their talents. They were still getting TV channels, they were orchestrating the extermination of “cotton wool” - boredom! And here - Saakashvili - like that YouTube star Lyuba...
At first, no one believed in his purpose. Of course: either the downed pilot is wanted by Interpol, or he complains in an interview about the boring American life of an amoeba, drinking in taverns. Just in case, we decided to greet him with a performance of ties hanging on Christmas trees (there are a lot of them, Christmas trees, in the park around the regional administration). There are still birches left. True, Mikhail Kozlodoevich (Odessa residents are not good at reading the inscriptions on Georgian passports) decided to plant palm trees instead... Oh, reforms!
The reforms did not happen.
Next we go.
So here he was reminded of everything: the destroyed Tskhinvali, and the explosions in Georgia of monuments to “Soviet tyrants”, during which passers-by were killed. And in detail, “plundering the budget by going to the bathhouse paid for from state funds” with godfather Yushchenko, whom Mishiko treated with honey, soap and slippers with the money of Georgian taxpayers.
But somewhere in the depths (at the very bottom of this depth) of the soul there was a treacherous itching: but there it is - the “Georgian miracle”! Well, let them be spat upon and unfinished, but maybe tomorrow we’ll come to the housing office, and then they’ll even give us a certificate without queues and extortion, maybe the school will start with the first teacher, and not “give me money!”, maybe at least it will be safer to walk the streets - maybe he'll do something for show?
Instead, all of Odessa for several months, like a young naturalist, watched the formation of his “new young team of reformers” from old, overdue Russian liberals and God knows who.
Sex scandals, Mari Gaidars who made a career at the Kremlin walls on “Timur and his team”, suddenly mutated into “European faces”, 26-year-old heads of customs. The appointment of their compatriots to the positions of heads of the prosecutor's office and police, who speak Russian poorly and comment on a banal hijacking in a way that the film tandem Kikabidze - Mkrtchyan could not have dreamed of. A ban on “wrong” guest performers purely from Russia and complete satsivi on all local stages - from clubs to the opera house.
And, Mishiko freely broke through to the beach, stolen by the “preceders”. Why do I need this beach? I'm far from him. After all, not just one had to be freed, but dozens.
Well, he still rode his bike, received McCain on the lawn with his gastropod dog - he was too busy, he didn’t have time to hand over his pants to his advisors and deputies for ironing (but what pants if customs was already looming in the future!).
That is, it turned out to be a comedy series about the life of some brothel. Here are whores working, here they are having fun, here they are drinking with representatives of the bohemians, here someone is stubborn and ends up in a fool. Yes! But whores, at least, work honestly and don’t get involved in politics! Although here again: what does politics have to do with it - we should be concerned with milk yield and farming. That is, this is no longer a comedy, but an absurd series. Well, they live in their white building of the Odessa regional administration, having nothing to do with the real Odessa.
Sasha Borovik. The main bet of the highlander in the last elections. A piano in the bushes and a mushroom in the leaves. You can talk a lot about him, but nothing is better. Personally, I have one association in the connection between “Mushroom and elections” - a fragment from the film “What Men Talk About.” Remember there about the grandmother and the Germans? After all, the boletus, omitting paid Internet bots, built his election campaign on grandmas - at meetings with the candidate, they, poor people, directly ran away from him, but he caught the old women and kissed them.
“What are you talking about, grandma, I still need to take you across the road. "Let go, son." And then Borovik (Germans). “Germans, save me. How to live further? "How how? Which way up." Well, the grandmother: “The Germans (boletus): “Help, take me away from here.” That's how many grandmas voted for the boletus. It’s for nothing that he roller-skated in front of them.
In other words, all Borovik did honestly was lose the Odessa elections. But I honestly couldn’t get out of the situation together with my patron.
If even on the eve of the vote, Saakashvili shook the incumbent mayor’s hand “on camera” and clung to the kindergartens and stadiums opened by the mayor, then after “hour X” he unexpectedly saw in him the “little green man” and, together with Borovik, called for “Odessa - to the Maidan!”
It didn’t work - in Odessa there are no Maidans, but there are squares. And there is already a Clown House - no need for a second one.
And I personally (not as a journalist) am even more guided by my own standard in relation to him. Saakashvili will not take root in Odessa with his transparent torture chambers, Cheburek Maidans and Borovik Sasha, chosen like Robinson Paratov!
The simple fact (and this is the criterion) is that I have never (never!) been robbed on the streets - under other, albeit incompetent, governors. And over the past six months, they stole everything they could - from a wallet to a phone. And in both cases, an opera as simple as five kopecks, despite their new Georgian bosses, they spat and swore. “Damn Georgian gang, what to do with it?!” It’s already scary to go out on the street wearing “yellow metal” jewelry. Even in the 90s this was not the case.
Misha, you got everyone.
And by the way, Misha, how’s the milk yield?
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