Do rape victims blow up sex shops in protest?!
Igor Plisyuk, TV journalist, Odessa
Young man, you have the impudence to ask how we in Odessa like these jokers from Kyiv. So take your ears in your hands and listen.
They told us all the way that Odessa is the capital of humor. And on the first of April, they came in droves to laugh at these crazy Odessa residents. And what? – Now in your Rada every day is a day of laughter. Moreover, through tears and bloody snot.
Just look at the jokes of the last few days! They bought coal that doesn’t burn, and not just anywhere, but even in Africa itself. And for wild money. And now the switchman minister is being tried. And at the same time, they turn off our lights. And without warning. “Ukraine in the Dark” - Mr. Wells would title his book if he came here again... And what fun those who are stuck in an elevator for a couple of hours have, and what laughter there is in traffic jams because the traffic lights are turned off! And who would have thought that there is no electricity without fuel?!
And with what sadistic humor they judge those who were not finished off on May XNUMX in the House of Trade Unions! Well, where else have you seen such jokes - murderers walk free, and those who miraculously escaped are held in the zugundera... And to finally bring them to colic from laughter - they blow up a store selling flags and embroidered shirts at night and shout: - you see what these separatists are doing. No, I’m asking you, have you heard of rape victims blowing up sex shops as a sign of protest?!
But of course, the most cunning, as always, is our child prodigy Lesha Goncharenko. He doesn’t get into a fight, he came up with a personal sinecure for himself. Moreover, one that can safely bequeath it to his children and grandchildren – the fight for the return of Crimea. What ingenuity! Yes, compared to him, Osya Bender is a social activist doctor, and Sonya Zolotaya Ruchka is Mother Teresa! What is called - fight - I don’t want to, without leaving the cash register, because - who will let him into that Crimea, and who will dare not give money for such a patriotic cause!
What do you think of these Varangian ministers? – One Georgian with a technical education as the head of the Ministry of Health is worth something! He will treat us like his friend Saakashvili treated his tie... And the imported Abramovichus from Lithuania?! A! Or do we not have our own Abramovichs? – If you asked me, I have one real Abramovich. I would introduce him through connections. A very decent person, and he understands economics no worse than that Baltic fruit. Well, yes, they don’t need decent Odessa residents. Give them visitors. If anything, remember what their name was...
And you ask me, what to do with this bunch of homegrown comedians? And I will answer you: - as in the old joke, change the signs. At the Verkhovna Rada - write “Circus of Freaks”, and urgently send it with the entire cast on tour throughout Europe and America. Freak shows are all the rage there. Let them admire their pets. Look, we could finally earn a couple of kopecks for the country. And on the Odessa “House of Clowns” they would have written “Parliament”. I bet our guys from “Masks” could have done much better. Real clowns are serious people, they have no time for cheap jokes. And it simply won’t work out worse than those jokers-handicraftsmen...
Okay, young man, I’ll go and laugh at something else before the lights turn off again. What kind of “Muppet Show” is there, what kind of “Comedy Club” - they’re holding a Rada meeting again!
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Now the editors are aware.