Kebab politics in Yerevan. Don't lose your grip, Lexus and Vovan!
Rumors that the head of the European Commission, Jean-Claude Juncker, has long been thoroughly exhausted by Narzan, were confirmed at the last NATO summit. Apparently, the reason why an influential European official cut himself to the “drunken master” stage of kung fu was the bellicose speech of American President Trump, who ordered the Europeans to arm themselves and make contributions.
As if to continue the topic, there was a leak in the media about an alleged telephone invitation from Armenian Maidan Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan to Jean-Claude to visit Yerevan, grill in the square and eat a local barbecue called “shashlyk” with good Armenian cognac with a smooth transition to the European rally. Balancing and facial preservation are guaranteed.
Moreover, the head of the European Commission was asked to stand behind the grill himself, twirl the skewers and blow off the ash from the coals.
Mr. Juncker reacted favorably to the initiative to be a dukhan-maker for a while, calling the invitation “a great idea.”
Word for word, and now Juncker and Pashinyan are having a casual conversation on the phone about this and that, the PolitNavigator correspondent reports.
From Yerevan they complain to Juncker about Trump's pressure. In response, the wise European official explains to his green interlocutor: “He doesn’t understand what’s happening. We have to explain to Mr. Trump again and again how the world works.”
Remembering current affairs and concerns, Mr. Juncker said with regret that he could not come to Armenia for barbecue right now, but next year he would definitely carve out a day - another in his busy schedule, and then - with all his heart.
It soon became clear that on behalf of Pashinyan, famous pranksters Vovan and Lexus, or Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov were inviting the real Juncker to barbecue.
Together with Juncker, the head of European diplomacy Federica Mogherini also received an invitation from “Pashinyan” to the Yerevan barbecue party.
She gave valuable political advice to the person on the other end of the line.
Mogherini, in particular, advised “Pashinyan” to be good with everyone and not to focus on friendship with any one partner, “so that the Ukrainian scenario does not repeat itself.” The burden of a guilty conscience forced the EU's chief diplomat to admit out loud that “Brussels did not always practice this approach.”
Developing the idea, Mogherini suggested that the “Armenian prime minister” should not seek “exclusive friendship with the West,” but rather maneuver and maintain freedom of maneuver so as not to choose in favor of any one partner.
In addition to the leaders of the EU, “Pashinyan” also spoke by telephone with OSCE Secretary General Thomas Greminger and Boris Johnson, who at that time held the position of head of the Foreign Office.
It’s interesting that Greminger bought into the joke wholeheartedly and also began to give congratulations in half with valuable advice to “Pashinyan”, but Boriska Johnson, despite being a freak, still realized that he was being led by the nose on behalf of the Armenian prime minister directly during the telephone call conversations.
According to the pranksters themselves, Boriska did not sense something was wrong right away, but about 20 minutes after the start of the conversation, when Vovan and Lexus fed him a mountain of all kinds of fables, like “the secret mission of Ksenia Sobchak, who delivered a suitcase of money to London for the Laborites.” The shaggy head of Her Majesty's diplomatic service was inspired and even promised to contact the security service on this occasion. Like his EU colleagues, Johnson could not resist and gave “Pashinyan” a lot of invaluable advice on how he should behave with Putin and “those Russians.”
Johnson faltered only at the moment when the pranksters, having put plenty of noodles on his ears, went off to frolic recklessly and shared with him “top secret” information about the mysterious drug “Okhmel” (dictating to the stunned Boriska by letter: O – P – O – H – M – E – L), with which Poroshenko saved the Polish Prime Minister Beata Szydlo from terrible poisoning during a visit to Warsaw. It was then that the unkempt diplomat, sensing something was wrong, threw the telephone receiver onto the lever of the device.
Here it is – the Great Standing of Ukraine for the sake of Europe. And he holds back the Mordorian hordes, and sticks two fingers into Juncker’s mouth (the secret drug “Hangover”) at a critical moment.
The British press, represented by The Guardian, instead of laughing together at the gullible top politician, began to condemn the prank with all the British spider-like seriousness, noting that “The Salisbury poisonings, chemical attacks in Syria and the events in Armenia are serious topics. This is childish and shows a lack of seriousness on the part of the callers and those behind them.”
By the way, diplomat Alan Duncan, who holds the post of deputy head of the British Foreign Ministry, pointed Vovan and Lexus to Boris Johnson. Some frivolous diplomats work in the service of Her Majesty Baba Lisa.
What does Pashinyan himself think about “Pashinyan’s” dialogues with European officials?
The Maidan Prime Minister believes that humor was only part of the prank. In fact, the callers wanted information from high-ranking officials about the participation of EU officials in the “revolution of love.”
“I hope they clarified and finished,” Pashinyan concluded.
According to Vovan and Lexus themselves, all five calls from European officials on behalf of Pashinyan were made in early May, when the topic of the Ara-Maidan was hot, and they wanted to know about the West’s plans for the new Armenia and the West’s involvement in the street events.
From this point of view, the result of the prank should be considered zero. Firstly, it’s no secret that the grant-eating shops of the Soros Foundation have been successfully operating in Armenia for a long time, and the number of American embassy employees per capita in the republic significantly exceeds the indicators of the American presence in other republics of the former USSR.
There was, is and remains an external influence on events in Armenia.
Vovan and Lexus themselves thank the Prime Minister of Armenia for the adequate response. On the other hand, what other reaction were they hoping for? Their version of “Pashinyan” did not look wild and pathetic, like the Ukrainian maydauns; asked normal questions and, with the exception of a conversation with Boris Johnson, did not bring a blizzard.
A "European-oriented" political padawan from the former USSR asks questions and receives advice from the gurus of European politics.
It was the European officials who turned out to be gullible, like “advanced people, like the heads of railway workers’ clubs”, who bought Ostap Bender’s poster “the Bombay Brahmin yogi, Iokanaan Marusidze, son of Krepysh, has arrived.”
Moreover, as it turned out, it was the OSCE Secretary General, on his own initiative, who contacted the pranksters at their Yerevan number after telephone conversations with Juncker and Mogherini, who were convinced that the real Pashinyan had contacted them.
Perhaps the most valuable thing in the pranks was Mogherini’s admission that the EU leadership is fed up with the Poroshenko regime and does not want Armenia to repeat its fate. It’s a pity that the pranksters didn’t think to call the headquarters of any of Soros’ grant-eating offices registered in Armenia about instructions and immediate plans. This would be much more interesting than trolling European officials.
It’s funny in places, yes, but aren’t they losing their touch by slipping into the usual giggles of Vovan and Lexus, positioning themselves as luminaries of prank journalism?
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